Here are a few more tips on dealing with conflicts in a relationship:
- Anger is a sign that the other person feels hurt and/or frustrated. I know it can be really hard to, but think of the other person’s pain.
- Even though you may have found the root cause of the disagreement and found a suitable resolution, you may have to deal with the leftover feelings of hurt. The key to this, as I suggested in the above post is understanding. The other person has to feel that they are understood. An angry person may inflict pain on another person and I think that be partially motivated by a desire to have the other person feel what you feel and empathize with you.
- Have you ever apologized and the other person still keeps going on about the thing? That’s because they do not feel understood. It doesn’t matter whether you understand them or not, it is whether they feel understood by you. Apologies are meaningless unless the other person feels understood, listened out and respected for their feelings. Believe me, I’ve tried.
- Conflicts are a normal part of relationships, but it is how you handle them that can make or break that relationship. In fact, John Gottman claims to be able to tell whether a couple will last over a 4-6 year period with over 90% accuracy. Two major things to look out for: how a couple handles disagreements is super important. Do they simply come to a deadlock of egos, or do they go back to their purpose for doing whatever they are doing and try to find a win-win situation? The second is these four traits: defensiveness, stonewalling, criticism, and contempt with contempt being the most important.