I wrote this back in late 2003, it’s the first satire/parody piece I wrote. I edited it in 2004 and that is the version you have in front of you. Enjoy!
following is a presentation paid for by Get Geek Dating Services.
your prayers have been answered! All you beautiful women have at one time or
another found a man that just doesn’t realize who you are. Or he might be so
obsessed with his machoness that he doesn’t care. These men are users and
disparaging, and you need a change! You aren’t getting any younger! So, here’s
a solution that’ll get you a man and he won’t be an insensitive jerk!
Get a geek! Geeks (or Nerds) have many advantages over the Jock(strap) type!
Ladies, they’ll revere you like gods! They’ll worship you, and follow you
unwaveringly! They understand when you need to keep your relationship a secret
(or can be silenced by any form of female-to-geek contact), and you can just
say they’re Greek to impress (and entice envy from) all your friends!
So remember, when you need a guy, just call 1-800-GET-GEEK!
They know more about the female anatomy than you do! Get a geek now!
be right back after this break!
back! The calls have been pouring in and women have been confessing about how
much they like their geeks. Here’s Anna from England, the little island that’s
full of ’em:
"I’d just like to say I love my geek. His attention is so sweet and he
does everything I ask, and then some. I came home on day exhausted from a long
day at work and told my geek that my feet hurt. He promptly gave me a sensual
foot massage with his mouth! Honest to god, he licked my soles and sucked my
toes! Thanks, Get Geek!"
Disclaimer: Get Geek Inc. is not responsible in any way for any weird
fetishes your geek might have.
You can trade in your geek a maximum of five times and pick another from our
vast selection, from Goth Geek to Game Geek to Girl-shy Geek! You name ’em,
we’ve got ’em! Our collection of nerds is unbeatable, too! Call today!
back again. We’ve got a special message here from a university student who’s
been dating her nerd for little over a year, all through her freshman year:
"I love the service that you provide, Get Geek. I’m very happy with my
nerd, he does all my assignments on time and well. Before, I used to be afraid
to go shopping for electronics, and just scared penniless of the ones I already
had. But my nerd has changed all that! Ladies, this is for real, get yourself a
geek! He sets up all those little devices that you won’t touch with a ten foot
pole! What are you waiting for? Get a geek now!" – Susanna, University student
Disclaimer: If you use your geek,
we are not responsible for any damages. Although the geek is not likely to
notice that you are just using him, he’ll be glad for a friend.
A touching story, and now to our next lady, this is an email from New Jersey:
"In my line of work, I’ve dated a lot of sauve and handsome guys, but none
of them compared to the geek. It’s like he worships me, and I love him dearly.
Thanks Get Geek!" – Ineeta Mann,
CEO of Ineeta Mann Services
Disclaimer: Get Geek Inc. is not responsible for the search and removal of
any shrines or various recording equipment geeks might try to strew across your