Aug 082006

Toronto — Mensa, the largest, oldest and
most well-known high IQ society in the world, shocked reporters today at a
press conference announcing that they will begin selling Mensa-approved sperm
and eggs for in vitro fertilization. John Fellows, the president of the
Canadian National Group of Mensa presided over the press conference. Fellows
said: "As you all know, Mensa has three stated purposes; one of which is
to foster human intelligence for the benefit of humanity. I brilliantly
realized that I could not think of any better way of doing this than to have
more highly-intelligent children. I am also proud to announce that I and my
wife will also be donating sperm and eggs to willing couples so that they may
have super-intelligent children. I have an IQ of 189 which occurs very
rarely–one in every 300,656,786 people, and my wife has an IQ of 175 but the body of a perfect 10."

This announcement follows the release of a secret memo last week which was sent
from the upper echelons of Mensa to all members encouraging them to have more
highly-intelligent children to fulfill the stated goals of Mensa. It also
encourages Mensa members to only elope and marry other Mensa members, going so
far as to suggest asking if someone is a card-carrying member of Mensa in a romantic
encounter as a standard question.

While many scientists argue that intelligence is not a trait that has shown to
be inherited and that highly intelligent parents often have lower IQ children,
Mensa had a number of its member scientists on hand to rebuke the other
scientists: "Not only are those so-called ‘scientists’ wrong but they must
not be very smart either because they’re not members of a fine, high-IQ
organization such as Mensa."

Certain members of the general population claim that this is an attempt by
Mensa to grow its ranks before it succeeds in taking over the upper levels of
power and authority in society, and ruling with a superiority complex. In response to such a statement at the press
conference, President Fellows replied, "This is certainly not the case.
Why would we–the smarter and superior segment of the population–have anything
what-so-ever to do with the general population, including ruling them? Your
logic escapes."

The eggs and sperm will start selling next Monday in honour of the birthday of
Albert Einstein and will be available at Mensa locations, conventions and on
the Mensa site. There will also be embryos available ready for implantation for those who want to ensure the genetic material of their child is
entirely from highly-intelligent parents. The sperm, eggs and embryos will be
available in self-cooled silver canisters engraved with the Mensa logo and
come with a card from Mensa guaranteeing the quality of the genetic material,
the IQs of the donors and a legal release from all liability and/or obligation
in tiny print at the bottom.

Fellows ended the press conference with the statement: "Let the world know
and understand that Mensa is here to help them because it is our very duty to
as superior beings.’With great power comes great responsibility.’ Let a new, more intelligent day dawn!"

  One Response to “Baby Ingredients For Sale!”

  1. You stole ma story.

 Leave a Reply

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>