Aug 312006

Be warned: The following just may offend you a great deal. My intention was to film this as a sort of "real life" video, so it all has to make sense in a way so that people don’t think it’s contrived. Enjoy!

Jehovah’s Witness By RT Wolf

Guy – A very strong-willed person. I’ll try to get someone who looks great with a shirt off.
Camera – Friend of Guy who came over to show off his camera but Guy’s more interested in TV
Jehovah’s Witness – Young and well-meaning man who attempts to convert you.

          INT.TV ROOM.DAY

          Guy and Camera are watching TV (probably some
          trials footage). Camera is playing around with his
          camera barely interested in what’s going on.

                    Oh, oh! Watch this move!

          The doorbell rings. Guy leans to see out the
          window beside the TV and then returns to watching

                    Who is it?

                    It’s a Jehovah’s Witness. He comes every
                    once in a while.

          The doorbell rings again.

                    Fuck, fine.

          Guy stands up, stops, smiles at Camera.


          Guy starts taking off his clothes.

                    Oh, whoa! What the hell…?

          Camera turns away and starts giggling as he

                    Oh for god’s sake, turn around. Bring
                    the camera, you’ve gotta catch this.

          Camera turns around to reveal that Guy is down to
          his undies. Guy goes to the door and Camera
          follows. Guy motions Camera to stop and gets to the
          door, and motions Camera along.


          Camera is looking at the back of the Jehovah’s
          Witness through the window screen. Guy opens the
          door and Jehovah’s Witness turns to greet him.
                              JEHOVAH’S WITNESS
                         (Unclear & Subtitled)
                    Good Afternoon–Uh, sir, would you mind
                    putting some clothes on, sir?

                    Why? God gave me this body. You should
                    admire it. Now, what do you want?

                              JEHOVAH’S WITNESS
                         (half-heartedly and not making eye
                         contact, subtitle)
                    Well, uh, have you been saved, sir?

                    Look me in the eyes when you talk to me.
                    I haven’t been saved and I’ve got a few
                    questions. What’s the source of all good
                    in the world?

                              JEHOVAH’S WITNESS
                    Well, it’s our Lord and Savior Jesus
                    Christ, and if you accept him–

                    Yeah, why do bad things happen to good

                              JEHOVAH’S WITNESS
                    Well, people are the source of suffering
                    and if you–

                    Ahaan, so if something good happens to
                    us, it’s ’cause of Jesus, if something
                    bad happens it’s our fault? That sounds
                    like a bad co-worker who takes credit
                    for all your fucking work.

                              JEHOVAH’S WITNESS
                    Well, no, uh, see–
                         (starts rubbing his crotch — I
                         actually saw a guy doing this in a
                         bar, had his hand down his shorts
                         and his little children were next
                         to him)
                    So, you love Jesus, right?

                              JEHOVAH’S WITNESS
                         (looking away from him)
                    Yes, I do. He will save my soul from–

                         (his hand’s down his undies at this
                    If you love him so much, why don’t you
                    marry him? Oh wait, that’s right, you
                    hate gays. Tell me, do you think black
                    shouldn’t get married either?

                              JEHOVAH’S WITNESS
                    Well, uh, see…

          Jehovah’s Witness hears Camera laughing, looks
          around, sees the camera through the screen.

                              JEHOVAH’S WITNESS
                    Are you recording this? Are you

          Jehovah’s Witness turns around and walks away in a
          tiff, the rest we can’t hear but he’s still
          mumbling. Camera runs to door to capture a clear
          image of Jehovah’s Witness storming off.

          Camera looks at Guy and both laugh on camera.

Aug 282006

Zach Needles strolled up the carpeted
hallway towards the office entrance of his friend, peeked inside and saw him
charming a young woman. He decided not to interrupt the subtle dance of the
human mating ritual and went on ahead towards the cafeteria to get some coffee.
On his way back, he peeked into the office again and saw his friend alone with
a very large grin on his face.

“Well, well, well, no matter how old you
get, a young woman will still make you grin like an idiot,” Needles said.

The middle-aged Bernard Powers glanced up,
blushed in spite of his already reddened cheeks and said, “I got her email
address. It’s been a while since I’ve been able to do that.”

Needles was twenty-five and considerably
younger than Powers. Needles was a good looking young man, brown skinned and
with black hair. A singular feature usually captures the attention of most
people who meet him—his ice blue eyes. He often wore dark clothes that matched
his dark skin tone and this sharp contrast with the rest of him often caused people
to stare at his eyes. They often found them staring back rather coldly until
they looked away.

my day, we used to get the girls’ phone numbers. We didn’t have any of these
new-fangled e-mails and text messages. If you wanted to call someone, you asked
for their number and then you cranked up your phone and talked to the operator,”
said Needles faking an old man voice.

Powers was giggling, even though he would
never admit it. Needles stepped into the room and sank into the couch in the
corner of Powers’ office.

“At any rate, she wasn’t very pretty,” said
Needles in a playful tone.

“Yea, that’s something that you and your
precious AI have in common, neither of you could tell beauty if it came and
slapped you in the face,” said Powers.

It was true. Needles suffered from a
neurological disorder that made him unable to judge beauty. He had eventually
come to recognize what is considered beautiful on a conscious level but he
would feel no emotional or sexual interest in one woman over another. He could tell
that an obese woman was considered unattractive compared to a skinnier
woman—but not too skinny because then they look a little like a skeleton and he
disliked being able to name all of the protruding bones of a young woman. He
also recognized that symmetry in a face was generally considered prettier.
Larger eyes, full lips and higher cheekbones are all considered prettier. In
his teenage years, he had come to realize he himself was fairly good-looking
and that he was able to attract very pretty women. Because of his disorder, he
was unable to appreciate looking at someone so he learned to find women that
could have more stimulating conversations and had more interesting

Sometimes he thought that he was working on
artificial intelligence research to make someone really interesting to talk to.
Other times he thought that if he could teach a computer to recognize beauty,
he could learn to do it himself, at a subconscious level and have it trigger an
emotional or sexual reaction within him. Most of the time, however, he just
thought he was working on artificial intelligence because it was so damned

Author’s Note: While I had originally tried to write a short story based on the above introduction, I couldn’t think of an interesting enough story around that character so I gave up. I still think it’s an interesting character, however, if only I was a better writer and could give this a better treatement. One day, I will.